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George W. Byers
- Male
- San Antonio, TX
- United States
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YOUR WRITING IS SIMPLY SPLENDID. IT WAS REALLY MOTIVATING AND THOUGHT-PROVOKING. WE LIKED IT. HENCE I INVITE U 2 SUBMIT YOUR PRECARIOUS WRITING AT OUR JOURNAL. "THE MIRROR OF TIMES" WHEREIN MANY PROMINENT WRITERS LIKE SMT. NABANITA DEV SEN, SMT. A...
I can hear that--along the lines of sound first, literal meaning second.
If that's what you wanted, far be it for me to suggest otherwise :-) (I guess the tension I mentioned was intentional)
Yes, I like this piece, too. It has a wonderful simplicity, and finishes like a haiku.
I would only look to perhaps smoothing out the verbiage a little: I'm not certain you need the your's and our's in the first verse. Losing them in a simple re-...
Thanks for your comments, Chris. This "style" objective here was in allowing the words to rush as the coursing river might. So that the form and the content had some intersection, some commonality.
Another point here is that often overlooked issu...
"mere endurance will not suffice" -- nice
I'm not sure how to feel about the piling on of adjectives. They go against what I've been taught, but they do keep the piece from falling into monorhythm. The extra shades of meaning may not be necessary...
along the secret banks,
throes of gathering dusk
bold shimmering cold spray
and warm sunlight on skin,
musk of slick rock and moss,
algae, Aspen and sky,
the enemy is distant,
he is as untouchable.
in the hot dry distance,
dead,
mercifully dista...
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- Type of Writer or Editor
- Freelance
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Comment Wall (3 comments)
- At 9:08am on March 21, 2009,
WriterAtTheSea said… - Thanks for the friend request. I have not been here for a bit!
- At 5:10pm on February 6, 2009,
Patricia said… - Welcome to Sunoasis Writer's Net and A Passion for Poetry & Prose George.
I see you mastered the topic post! *smile* Sorry it took me so long to jump back on the site. Life sometimes gets a little busy as I'm sure you know.
I'll read your recent contribution in depth this weekend and leave ya a note.
'Til then, be well,
Tricia
- At 9:01pm on February 4, 2009,
David Eide said… Hi George,
Welcome to Sunoasis Writers Network! Make yourself at home and have some fun.
There are daily updates on freelance jobs on the main page, plus a network of people who may help you in your professional quest.
If you want a more detailed description of the Network go here:
Thanks for joining the Network! If you have any questions just let me know.
David Eide
Sunoasis.com
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